I think I give off the impression that I have everything under control. I will let you into a secret, I haven’t
My blog is my hobby, my livelihood. It is important for my mental well-being, but also to pay the bills. I post 2 to 3 times a day (because I have content that needs to go up). I am prevalent on social media. I respond to everything; tweets, emails, messages, comments on my blog. I also run three linkys and have many friends within this blogging world, that I do my best to support too.
I am also a full-time mum; looking after my daughter with (until today) no help or support from anyone else while Mr Hubby is at work, not even for half an hour.
Before you think this is a moaning post, it isn’t, please stick with me while I explain. I am so totally grateful for everything blogging has given me. The opportunities, the friends, I genuinely LOVE all of it, truly I do.
However, for over a year now I have been running myself into the ground. I am juggling too many balls in my attempt to ‘do’ everything and it is affecting my health, my head and my family.
I work on my blog EVERY single spare second of the day or night. I NEVER sit and chat to my husband without the computer screen in the way, my daughter often see’s me working when I WANT to be just with her, soaking up her beautiful face and her idiosyncrasies, without the distraction of having to earn money. I ALWAYS go to bed after midnight, sometimes 1 or 2am. Somedays I am almost in tears trying to stay awake in order to finish a post for the next day. My last night off was Christmas Day. 7 days a week. In the car on the way to a day out, I am trying to comment on my tablet, getting stressed if there is no signal. Feeling the knot in my tummy, when I think of the work piling up.
Feeling constantly like a failure, because I haven’t been able to pitch or develop my blog or new avenues, because the sheer volume of commenting is 95% of what I do every day. Even on our family holiday, I ended up working in the evenings, as I was so stressed I would get even more behind. Never wanting to reduce the time I spend in any area, in case my rankings fall; not important to some, but to me, my rise in ranking has been the reward for all my hard work.
Still with me?! I hope so, because I need to make changes for the good of my family, myself and my blog. My blog is something I NEVER want to stop, but I need to find a better balance, actually ANY balance would be great about now.
Now I need to explain the title for this post. I get so many comments on my blog saying I am so lucky to get the opportunities. I am so grateful for every opportunity I get, believe me I really am, but largely I am NOT lucky. The opportunities I get are through sheer hard work and an unbelieveable amount of hours clocked in. Not luck, believe me it is sheer graft. I remain grateful and I am truly BLESSED to do something I love every day, but I need time. Time to be with my family uninterrupted, time to relax and time to develop my blog and not just fight fires to keep things ticking over.
I am obsessed with my blog, so realistically I am not sure how much I will be able to change because this is in my character, but I intend to try to make some changes. I am so grateful to everyone who comments on my blog, joins in with one of my linkys and retweets or shares my posts on social media, so very grateful. I have come to realise that I cannot respond to absolutely everything, it leaves no time for anything else, but it DOESN’T mean I don’t care.
So going forward I will read EVERY single comment on my blog, but I won’t necessarily respond to everything if there is no particular point in my response. It won’t make me less grateful for your comment. I will retweet all your link up tweets, but I won’t necessarily thank you every single time for linking up; I will still be so very grateful that you support our linkys and are part of our community, communities that I really love. Obviously I will still comment on your link up posts. I will try to go to bed at a reasonable hour, 4 hours sleep is not sustainable long-term. I will take a night off, Saturday nights here I come!
If I want to be able to continue loving my blog, something has to give. If I want to have a happy life and be mentally present as my daughter grows up, then something has to give.
I hope you will all stick with me.