2013 was a momentous year for Mr Hubby and I, as it saw the birth of our beautiful daughter. For so long I thought I would never be a mum, never feel a baby kick in my tummy, experience labour and hold ‘our’ baby tight. We had been trying for some time and had various investigations. Month after month I would obsess, take temperatures, pee on various sticks, abstain from caffeine, alcohol and countless other things in the attempt to see those long desired lines.
I would go regularly to get my bloods checked and would sit in the waiting room, with all the pregnant ladies, simply feeling gutted. The longing was unbearable. I would see friends pregnancy announcements and would feel like I had been stabbed in the stomach. Of course I was happy for them, but it just highlighted what I felt was never going to happen for us. I longed to be able to make that announcement, to just know that it would happen, to know that we would be parents.
Months turned to years and eventually we made the decision to have IVF. We made the appointment, which was for August 2012. Then the most amazing thing happened, I was late. I felt different, but unlike all the other times, I didn’t want to do the test. I didn’t want to know, I just wanted to wait and see. Why would this month be any different to normal?. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, to be disappointed again. I almost wanted to pretend I hadn’t realised I was late, so fate couldn’t have a laugh at my expense, so I wouldn’t be hurt again. However, with the impending appointment I needed to know, so on 12th August 2012 I did the test and saw that amazing word ‘Pregnant’. I was almost numb with shock, it was like it wasn’t real. At last we could do this