Word of the week #9 - You Baby Me Mummy

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Friday means it’s time to link up with Jocelyn from The Reading Residence for Word of the week #WOTW.

The word of my week is;

Indecision

When Baby was born, Mr Hubby and I decided that she would be an only child.  We came to this decision for a number of reasons.  If I am honest it was more Mr Hubby’s decision and I just found ways to justify it.  I never thought when I was younger that I would have just one child.

I am not sure what’s changed or whether anything has, but I have started to question this decision.  My mind is full of what if’s and I just can’t seem to decide what would be best for us as a family.  I  know Mr Hubby would be happy to leave things as they are, but I am beginning to feel that it would be good for Baby to have a sibling.  Our family is so small that I also worry if anything happens to Mr Hubby and I (in the future), she will be on her own in the world.  I know that by this time she may have her own family, but I think the blood bond is different.  I also am worried that she will get lonely growing up on her own.

I do not have the same desire for a second baby that I did for Baby, but maybe that’s normal?  I was so desperate to be a mum the first time and I thought about it every second of every day, it consumed me.  I don’t feel like this now, as I am a mum, my dream came true.  This doesn’t mean that another baby wouldn’t complete our family.  I don’t feel like there is anything missing, but I do feel unsettled.

My pregnancy with Baby wasn’t easy.  I suffered quite badly with SPD and was in quite a lot of pain, having to use crutches for the last 3 months.  Although I enjoyed being pregnant, having previously suffered a miscarriage, I was on edge thinking that something was going to go wrong.  Then having quite a difficult birth with complications post delivery.  None of these factors would prevent me from doing it all again, if we decided to try, but they are adding to my confusion.

Was the desire to have your second child as strong as your desire to have your first?

WOTWMy previous words of the week have been Organised , Overwhelmed,  Blessed,  Active , Cuddles , Play-Date/Illness, Change and Horrible

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