Let me start by saying I understand. You haven’t got time, I get that, you’re building an empire. Everything you do with your time needs to have a return. Self-care seems too… fluffy…. wishy-washy….. indulgent even.
How can you decide to stop to do something for yourself? You know you could just keep going, get that project nailed down. You don’t NEED a break anyway. You’re made of pretty tough stuff, you’ve had to be over the years. If you can just finish these emails then maybe you could go and get some fresh air. Maybe try to drink some of that water you feel major guilt about not drinking every day. Or maybe you’ll crack open another Diet Coke and move onto the proposal you have to write. It won’t take long and then you will go for that walk. Just a little later… You need to pee, but you know in a few minutes you will be able to cross this task off your ever-growing todo list, so you’ll just hang on..
You remember when you worked for someone else, you were a great employee. You got the job done, but you didn’t take your work home with you. You definitely had more ‘you’ time then… Never mind it’s not forever, just until you get a few more customers then you can reassess your priorities and take that break. Schedule regular `you` time, whatever that means, you’ll figure it out when you need to. Just not right now.
Remember when you had a hobby, you used to love reading novels for fun, but you can’t remember when you last read something that wasn’t related to your business, but that’s ok because you love your business, right?! So it doesn’t matter that these hobbies you once loved have fallen by the wayside.
You know I hear you. I know how important work is and not just because it’s your business but because it’s part of you. You love it so it doesn’t really ever feel like proper ‘work’. It’s o.k; what’s the worst that can happen if you don’t drink that 2 litres of water or take a stroll round the block. Not much. Until you get a pain.
It started as a niggling pain in my ribs. The niggling changed to a sharp pain which was now in my shoulder too. I moved a little and carried on typing. Surely it would go in a minute, only it didn’t. During the night I swayed between sitting it out and calling an ambulance. It’s funny the things that go through our heads in times like these. The main reason I didn’t call for help was the thought of disturbing my daughter in the middle of the night. So I waited.
To cut a long story short, we went to hospital first thing in the morning and after multiple tests, and thankfully some heavy duty pain killers, I was given my diagnosis. I’d suffered from a Pulmonary Embolism (PE), which had been caused by a deep vein thrombosis in my leg.
'Sudden death is the first symptom in about one-quarter (25%) of people who have a PE'
Due to some back pain issues I worked mainly from the couch. It’s more comfortable and I’m ALL about comfort. Sometimes I’d get so engrossed in my work that I’d sit there for hours. When everyone else was in bed and I’d be relishing the freedom of just having to worry about myself, so I would stay there. Most nights I’d fall asleep there too. In the same position. I stopped exercising because I was focused on a launch. It was just going to be on hold for that launch, just until I got ahead then I would start again.
Only the pain came first.
You see you never know when you will get your wake up call. What we might consider to be a fluffy luxury, could save our lives.
It won’t happen to you? No, I never thought it would happen to me either…. But it did and I could have died.
You don’t have the time for self-care?
I’m not sure how to respond without being blunt and perhaps seeming dramatic. You could die and you’re saying you don’t have time….
‘If you want something enough you’ll find the time and if you don’t you’ll find an excuse’.
Typically we don’t want to do self-care, the spa day with our girlfriends once a year is great, but the day in day out ‘can’t-see-the-benefit’ self care THAT is hard to find time for. Think about it another way can you devote some time to making sure you stay fit and healthy for your family? Can you prioritise that?
As mamas doing things for ourselves is so hard. We’ve heard all of the oxygen mask analogies and to be frank we would still make sure our kid was o.k. first.
We put ourselves last ALL THE TIME.
We break promises to ourselves ALL THE TIME.
We treat ourselves poorly,
We would never break commitments with our friends; but commitments for us; hell they are easy to break.
We pour ourselves into our business and we JUST. KEEP. POURING. It’s never enough, It’s never the right time and it will never happen to you….
Until it does.
Apart from helping to prevent nasty embolisms, how does self-care actually help you? What’s the ROI?
Your mental health will improve
We are Queens of the juggle: We pile everything high on our plates and then attempt to tackle it all. Stress is real and damaging. Prioritising sleep, nutrition, and mental white-space will have such an impact on your mental wellbeing.
You will become more productive
When you have a calm mind you’re more productive and often more creative too. You’ve cleaned out the noise and so fresh ideas can now flourish and grow.
Taking regular breaks is vital for health, but they also to keep your creativity and freshness riding high.
‘I’ve tried before, but can never stick to it’
I get it, honestly I do, but the thing is taking care of yourself can’t be optional. It just can’t. We can no longer say ‘I don’t have time for self-care’. It needs to be part of our daily routine just as eating and breathing it. It’s not indulgent, it could be survival.
How can I include self care to my routine and make it work?
Have the best start to the day that you can have
In an ideal world, maybe we would all start our day with an hours worth of journaling, exercise and affirmations, but when you have kids this isn’t always possible. This doesn’t mean you can’t create a morning routine that will work for you. Even if this is a condensed version. Getting up 20 mins before everyone else in your house, have a hot drink, look over your day, say a few affirmations and you will feel more mentally resilient to cope with the onslaught of the kids chaos when it descends. Oh and NEVER hit the snooze button that is scientifically proven to make you feel rubbish.
Brainstorm the activities that make you feel calm, fulfilled and refilled
Do you love to read? If so, then build this into your day – even if you are only reading 5 pages a day. Does exercise make you feel better? If so, then build this in: If not, then it’s still important to get some exercise and fresh air every day so maybe a daily walk could work for you.
Maybe you need connection to feel happiest. If so, then a regular 10 min Skype coffee chat with a friend will be time well spent.
Don’t be put off if it isn’t perfect. If the self-care you can make work for you right now, isn’t your ideal routine. It just has to work for you in this phase of your life.
Now schedule it in your diary
You need to commit to self-care as fully as you would commit to a business partnership or an obligation with a friend. Don’t let yourself down. Get it in your diary and then stick to it. What message are you sending to the world? If you ignore these obligations to yourself? You don’t think you matter – that’s the message.
Make time by saying no
In order to free up more time in your life, you need to become more adept at saying no. Often us people-pleasing types can become too familiar with the word ‘yes’, if we physically can we will. I want to encourage you to start saying no to anything that doesn’t light you up. If it’s not a ‘hell yeah’, it should be a ‘no’. If someone wants you to commit to something in a few month’s time, don’t agree hoping you will become more up for it by the time the calendar rolls round. Imagine it was tomorrow, would you be excited to do it? No? Then say ‘no’ right now.
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” Steve Jobs
“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” Warren Buffett
You can always suggest people who you think would be a good fit for the opportunity, which helps everyone involved. You might also feel it softens the no and makes it easier to get it out there.
Get ready every day
We create a lifestyle which means we can work from our couches in our PJs, BUT this doesn’t put you in the right frame of mind to boss your day. Get up, have a shower (even if you put on clean yoga pants or PJs, start the day right. There’s a mental shift which happens you’re ready for the day.
Give yourself a mental break
‘Why didn’t I get to inbox zero’, ‘I should have finished writing those posts yesterday’ ‘I really need to be further ahead than I am’. I bet you’ve said one or all of these things to yourself. Perhaps phrases like these are your daily internal monologue? Stop it and stop it now. Beating yourself up about what you didn’t achieve isn’t going to lead to anything productive. Forgive yourself for not meeting your (probably unrealistic) expectations and move on with focus and positivity.
So please start taking care of yourself, right now; today. Start making changes that could have such a significant impact on your life, health and business.
You might think it could never happen to you, but that’s what I thought.
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