Effective reboot or delay before the final breakdown of the marriage? If you instigated divorce, you need to make sure you balance the emotional response and the rational one.
Experts offer several questions to ask yourself before filing for divorce.
Can this marriage be saved?
A family therapist will usually ask you what you have done to save the marriage. Before you and your spouse become just a part of the divorce stats, it’s worth investing some time in working through the various options available to you both. Psychologists advise answering the following questions (they may help you look at issues more rationally):
- What was your marriage like when everything was fine?
- When did things change, and why? What was the most frequent trigger for divorce?
- How much effort do you invest in your relationship? Do you intend to save the marriage?
- What do you do which worsens the relationship?
If you can discuss these issues with your partner and focus not on blaming your spouse, then you may take a fresh look at the divorce. Maybe then you will both see that there’s still light at the end of the tunnel.
You can find more about saving a marriage here:
https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/how-to-save-a-marriage
How do emotions affect decision making?
According to therapists, the decision to get a divorce is not an impulse, rather it’s an elaborate plan that should be put into effect only if you have emotionally accepted it.
“I am ready for this. I know what I am doing, and I can accept everything that will happen at the next stage of life.”
In life, it’s very hard to call it quits without experiencing anger, pain, and frustration. Therapists claim that you should not leave in anger. At least the spouse who instigates the divorce must be sure that separation is the only way out for the couple.
To get through this stage more consciously and not let emotions lead you, here are a few more questions approved by experts:
- Do you still love your spouse?
- Does it hurt?
- Are you scared?
- Are you furious?
- Are you confused?
Whose life will the divorce change?
Many have faced parental divorce – some at a young age, some later in life. It’s a painful experience, not only for spouses but also for their children. Therapists advise not to involve children in adult problems and to ensure we put them first. Remaining unhappy married will be detrimental both for you and your children. Ask yourself the question: Who, besides you, will be hurt by this divorce? Whose life will it change, and how? Take care of these people in advance. You should not act to the detriment of yourself, but you must definitely consider how to present this news to children and help them deal with divorce.
Can I handle it financially?
Emotions and feelings matter. However, money is often a powerful factor that keeps people from deciding on divorce.
Ask yourself whether you financially depend on your spouse. Whether you can cope with your financial commitments on your own? Do you have enough money to rent a house and put food on the table? Although you may apply for child support or alimony, you need to make sure you are financially secure. Your new life brings new responsibilities, and so you must be ready to accept these changes as an adult.
When you free yourself from an unhappy relationship, you will often also lose the emotional support and help from your partner. So you need to be ready for this.
Am I ready for divorce to be finalised?
Divorce is much more complicated than just breaking up. You can internally accept the fact that you’re no longer married. Still, the dissolution process will continue for some time. Often becoming a source of stress, new problems, and various kinds of social dangers such as the distribution of property, custody, and alimony.
If you both agree to an uncontested divorce, that’s one thing, but if you both want to start a court battle, the future becomes more unpredictable.
You should ask yourself if you did everything to minimise stress. Are you ready for a new relationship with your ex-partner? Can you be co-parents or children are just another reason for quarrels? Family therapists advise seeking the help of professionals who can advise you on the legal aspects of divorce and help you protect yourself in unforeseen situations. Remember that at this moment, you need to be strong, independent, and well-versed on social and legal matters.
Legal Checklist
Determine the ground for divorce
Nowadays, all the U.S. states recognise no-fault divorce. This means that neither spouse officially blames the other for the marriage breakdown. In these cases, the couple doesn’t have to disclose the circumstances of their breakup before the court. The first spouse doesn’t have to waste time and money to prove the guilt of the ex, and the latter doesn’t have to worry about defending during the trial.
Decide on a type of divorce
You should decide on a type of divorce in advance.
The most straightforward way to arrange a divorce is to agree on a no-fault uncontested divorce. An uncontested divorce means that the spouses are eager to avoid litigation. Instead, they’re ready to negotiate and cooperate to settle all the disputed issues of their divorce out-of-court. After signing the settlement agreement (which typically includes the spouses’ arrangements regarding the property, support, and other significant terms), the spouses submit this paper to the court. If the judge finds terms of an agreement fair, he/she issues a final divorce decree.
Prepare and file the divorce paperwork
Paperwork is an essential part of any divorce case. Depending on the type of divorce, the spouses’ location, and the various circumstances of a particular case, they may require different legal forms. In theory, any person may get the forms in the court clerk’s office and fill them out independently. However, if you don’t have enough time to pursue this issue or it seems complicated to sort out what the forms and documents related to your case or they seem tricky to fill out, seek expert help. The good news is that you don’t have to hire an expensive lawyer for this matter. There are plenty of online divorce forms preparation services, which take on this annoying bureaucracy issues for a reasonable fee and provide the completed paperwork kit via email within a couple of days. More about online divorce here:
https://www.onlinedivorce.com/divorce/florida/
With or without an attorney
Even when spouses agree on an uncontested divorce, they still may have some unresolved disputes. Divorce experts claim that even if you want to proceed without a lawyer, other types of legal services should not be neglected.
For example, you may hire an unbundled divorce lawyer who may handle just a particular aspect of the divorce case. You pay an hourly fee and focus on the issue, which is the most challenging for you (property division, a joint business, retirement payments, alimony, etc.). To make a custody arrangement and determine child support, you may attend parenting classes or turn to divorce mediators. Divorce mediation is a non-competitive way of resolving disputes. With the help of a neutral third party (mediator, counselor), the spouses learn to listen to each other and compromise for the sake of mutual good.
Disclosure: This is a contributed post