Dear Mummy Guilt,
We need to talk.
You have been my constant companion for the past three years and I have come to the decision that I need to to break up with you. This might come as a bit of a shock and I realise that it will be difficult to adjust; spending three years of your life with someone, watching as they go through their lives, it is understandable that you will have become attached. But you see I need to change, to think in a different way and I am afraid you have no part in my life anymore.
What I now realise is that you are no good for me, in fact you are no good for anyone. You have made me feel as if I need to constantly prove my love for my daughter to you. You appear like a black cloud when I am enjoying something other than her company; making me feel bad for feeling joy that doesn’t involve her; of laughing if it’s not her who made me laugh; for merely enjoying my job and occasionally putting it first when needs be.
I want my daughter to grow up with a strong female role model, to realise that hard work pays off and that she can, if she puts her mind to it (and some heart and soul), achieve anything she wants. I want her to know that while she is the single most important thing in my life and my number one priority, she isn’t everything I love about my life. You know what, I love my business, I love my friends, I love working hard and achieving goals I set myself. Yes these things will, at times, mean that she is not the centre of my world, but wow what a pressure being the centre of someones world must be. I should spare her that.
I have also come to realise that my love is infinite. If I love my job it doesn’t mean I am taking love away that is mean’t for my daughter, my love just grows.
She needs to grow up seeing me work, realising that the toys, clothes and days out do not come for free, that we work hard for all of these things. I want her, sometimes, to wait her turn; to realise that there are things Mummy needs to do in a day, as well as love her with all of her heart.
As she gets older I want her to believe that her parents have a worth and a value outside being her parents; so that when she becomes a mum herself, she will not lose her identity as I did.
We have been made to believe that there is a work life balance. So far it has been elusive for me and I have now come to realise that is because it simply does not exist. If you love what you do and you chose to have it in your life, it is in you life that’s it. There is no balance to achieve, we just need to get on with all of the tasks we have to do, minus your guilt.
Some days, when it has to, my business will come first; most days my daughter will come first, and I am happy with that. Every day she will be loved, cherished and cared for. I am happy that I am not going to be living shrouded in your guilt, but instead I am going to love all of the things I choose to have in my life. It is important that she sees her mummy loving a life she has created for herself. So she can do the same.
So as hard as it may seem this is goodbye.