Friday means it’s time to link up with Jocelyn from The Reading Residence for Word of the week #WOTW.
The word of my week is;
When Baby was born, Mr Hubby and I decided that she would be an only child. We came to this decision for a number of reasons. If I am honest it was more Mr Hubby’s decision and I just found ways to justify it. I never thought when I was younger that I would have just one child.
I am not sure what’s changed or whether anything has, but I have started to question this decision. My mind is full of what if’s and I just can’t seem to decide what would be best for us as a family. I know Mr Hubby would be happy to leave things as they are, but I am beginning to feel that it would be good for Baby to have a sibling. Our family is so small that I also worry if anything happens to Mr Hubby and I (in the future), she will be on her own in the world. I know that by this time she may have her own family, but I think the blood bond is different. I also am worried that she will get lonely growing up on her own.
I do not have the same desire for a second baby that I did for Baby, but maybe that’s normal? I was so desperate to be a mum the first time and I thought about it every second of every day, it consumed me. I don’t feel like this now, as I am a mum, my dream came true. This doesn’t mean that another baby wouldn’t complete our family. I don’t feel like there is anything missing, but I do feel unsettled.
My pregnancy with Baby wasn’t easy. I suffered quite badly with SPD and was in quite a lot of pain, having to use crutches for the last 3 months. Although I enjoyed being pregnant, having previously suffered a miscarriage, I was on edge thinking that something was going to go wrong. Then having quite a difficult birth with complications post delivery. None of these factors would prevent me from doing it all again, if we decided to try, but they are adding to my confusion.
Was the desire to have your second child as strong as your desire to have your first?
My previous words of the week have been Organised , Overwhelmed, Blessed, Active , Cuddles , Play-Date/Illness, Change and Horrible
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Comments 65
My desire for other children was just as strong, if not stronger by the time we were trying to conceive a fourth. I’d give it more time to consider, it doesn’t sound like you are totally decided either way. Good luck in whatever route you take x
Author
Thank you x
I was an IVF Mum, I always longed for a family from very young, I dreamed of at least four children, it was not to be, I had the yearning to be a Mum and when I finally got my wish I was content with my lot. Indecision means you are not quite ready and I think the mother urges will be very strong when you are.
Author
Wise words. I’m glad your wish came true x
My desire to have number 2 was more than number 1, but number 1 wasn’t planned and number 2 was. There is NO desire to have a number 3 though lol
Author
🙂 Ah you never know! x
I wanted my second before my eldest reached 3 but we got married instead.Number 3 wasn’t planned but she hasn’t stopped wanting more.
Author
I think small age gaps are better for the kids. There is 5 years before me and my sister and we have never been that close x
I had a terrible birth the first time and it really put me off another. When we finally got pregnant again we found out it was twins and after expecting things to be worse that time it was the perfect pregnancy. No pregnancy is the same and I had PND with the first and didn’t with the second. It’s a hard decision but it might not be the same.
Author
Thanks, that’s reassuring x
My desire for my second was definitely not as strong as with my first. I also had SPD the first time – although thankfully it didn’t result in crutches (poor you) – and didn’t have it at all with my second pregnancy. I always wanted 3 children…having lost my mum at a fairly early age and supporting my brother through his grief I always knew I wanted my children to have more sibling support around them… Good luck with your decision.
Author
That’s what I want for her. Interesting that you didn’t have SPD with your 2nd x
My second was a surprise as my first was a challenge (the fact that they are only 14 months apart might tell you something)!
I am glad that I have two and wouldn’t change a thing
Author
Thanks, wow that’s close! x
Yes – if not greater. And we went to assisted conception for # and then the twins.I always knew I wanted a big family and tbh only the medical issues made us stop at 4.
Author
I do think I want two, just a bit unsure x
My first was planned my second was a lovely surprise so there was no real thinking about it….
Good luck with what ever you decide x
Author
Thank you x
I think if anything my desire for number two was stronger, lots stronger. I desperately wanted to experience another new person in my life and she is brilliant. To be fair though number one was a slight very very wanted surprise. I didn’t have a good labour so there were worries I felt consumed for the want of number two. Gotta say I’m edging towards the feeling for number three as well! I hope you find your decision – one child is just as wonderful as thirteen xx
Author
Thanks very much xx
I always knew I wanted two – it just seemed to be a pattern in the family I come from and we didn’t feel complete as a family until EJ was born. Having said that it doesn’t stop me from sometimes looking at people with one child and feeling a bit jealous – of the time they can devote to that child, the resources, how much easier it all seems when you don’t have to go all the way back to square one with the feeding and the nappies and the weaning… We get through all that though because we assume that our family dynamic will be ‘right’ as they both grow up…
Author
Yes that is positive and negative, You get the lovely little baby but have to redo the teething etc. None of it lasts forever though does it and I wouldn’t change one things about Baby when though she hasn’t been the easiest x
I like to remind myself of that Happiness Project mantra every single evening – the days are long but the years are short! X
I think to be honest I was too tired from looking after number 1 to take the time to have any desire for number two 🙂 it just seemed like something we should do – both being from families where there are other siblings, and we know how good (and bad!) those relationships can be! I think if you have a second, you’ll love him/her just as much as the first….. such a difficult decision though, with so many factors.
Author
Thanks, I know what you mean, I don’t have space in my head to desire another as much as I did her, but I would obviously love it just as much as her x
i said i wasnt going to have any and look at me now with 7 and maybe another on the way f last weekend has anything to go by , but i wouldnt change it for the world and it does surprisingly get easie the more you have although my patience lessens
Author
7 blimey! I could never imagine having 7 children, credit to you I bet that takes some juggling x
My first (9yo) was a surprise. I found out I was pregnant at 21 weeks. I wasn’t with my partner anymore so I went through it all on my own as I was living abroad. I had a good pregnancy albeit a quick one as I didn’t find out til half way through. But I always longed for the baby planning, having someone by my side as I discovered I was pregnant, and always knew I wanted to share it with someone. So with the twins it was so different. I was married and they were planned and longed for. I don’t think that we’ll have any more as we’d need new cars, new house and more money than we have. But if we were to have more I am sure they would be longed for a much as the others x
Author
Wow that is late to find out. x
Sounds like you’re having a tough time weighing things up here, and I don’t blame you. I became pregnant the second time when my eldest was 10 months old (it was a ‘whoops’ situation, but not a surprise). We knew we wanted another baby, but to be honest, I spent most of the time after my eldest was born thinking about when a good time to have Chick#2 would be. In the end, we just decided that if it happened, it happened (and it happened bloody quickly!). And I’m glad – we’ve never really left the ‘baby days’, and they’re both only 18.5 months different in age. I always knew we’d have two, and now that our second is here and becoming a little boy (sob sob sob), I’m happy and content, and no longer thinking about the ‘right time’ to have another baby. And now for that vasectomy… (I too had SPD, only the second pregnancy. Never again).
Author
I think a small age gap would be better for them too. x
It’s a tough one this isn’t it. I’m afraid I can’t answer your question as we just have POD. I too didn’t think I’d only have one child but I didn’t anticipate having my first at 40 either! We nearly lost her at the beginning and she took 47 hours to come out. I’d love to have another but the health risks are so high and my pelvis is still b*ggered too! We’ve decided not to have another – that doesn’t mean I’m not broody or that I’d love POD to have a brother or sister, sadly it’s just the way it has to be X
Author
It is so hard isn’t it. I don’t think my pelvis would like me to do it again, but I think I could endure the pain. I have no idea how I will figure this out x
For me I always knew that I wanted more than one child and yes, my desire was as strong as when we were trying for our first. If you don’t feel ready to say that’s enough, why not just wait a while longer and see what happens. I think it is a very different feeling for men and women. I’m not ready to say no more children but I know my husband would quite happily stick at two! I hope you come to a decision that makes you happy.
Author
Thank you, very helpful words x
For me the desire for another child is quite consuming after loosing two babies after my son. I have now decided to go to an acupuncturist to help . I really feel that another child is need for my family and would be great for my son growing up. Everyone is different though. I always think it would be too easy to regret not having more. x
Author
Yes definitely that is what worries me too, leaving it to late then realising we should have had more x
My daughter was born 10 weeks early its been so hard .x
Author
That must have been so hard for you all x
Such a difficult and big decision. My husband was happy to stop at one, but I convinced him otherwise! I’m very close to my brother (and my husband’s sister, actually) so I couldn’t imagine not giving that kind of friendship and childhood to Boo, and I know I’ll always have my brother when we no longer have our parents, and again wanted that for my kids. I did always want two, though, so always expected to try for another baby. There are 2 years 11 months between them (exactly the same as my brother and I!) and I wasn’t ready to have a second until Boo had turned 2, so maybe timing is your issue? Hope you reach a decision that you’re both happy with x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
Author
Yes you are right maybe it’s timing, Hubby pretty resolute that one is enough 🙁 x
I don’t have any children, so I can’t really give any advice, I do hope you manage to work through it all and find out what is right for you 🙂 x
Author
Thank you x
My desire for each of my children was as strong as my desire for my first, if not stronger. It is hard to make the final decision, I was always never say never but now hubby has had the snip there is definitely no more and although sometimes I feel a pang of sadness I know it is the right decision for my health and family.
I was an only child and it was great as I got spoiled with fabulous holidays and full attention when growing up. My kids sometimes say they wish they didn’t have brothers and sisters but normally when they’re in a strop as they completely adore each other.
Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you xx
Author
That’s interesting, I always assumed only children would wish for siblings x
Great word. I always knew I wanted more than one child but worried when my eldest was little that I couldn’t share the love I had for him with another baby. I then fell pregnant with my little lady and that love just grew bigger than I ever imagined it would. Adding my little man was the final puff of air to our family balloon and anymore would have made it pop! You know what is right for you, one suits some families and if that’s you, stick to it.
Author
Very wise words and great analogy. I feel scared I would have to share my love and she would miss out x
I wasn’t that bothered about having a second baby, I guess that’s why there’s a 5 year age gap but now I long for a 7th child! I love seeing how all my children are there for each other, I think it’s such a wonderful thing for them to have siblings.
Now you’ve successfully had a baby, I’m sure the next pregnancy would be much less stressful, also your body knows what to do so it should be much easier.
Personally, I hope you have another baby but that’s just broody me! xx
Author
I can’t believe you have 6, it always amazes me when people have so many, not sure I am brave enough (labour was quite scary). I think I would like one, but hubby not keen… 🙁 x
I know everyone had their own perfect number but to me, two is just right x x
Author
Yes I think 2 would be for me too, shame hubby’s number is 1 🙁 x
It is very interesting to see what words bloggers choose for this linky… they very so much from each other
Author
I love this linky x
My 2nd was a surprise but my 3rd was planned and I was so broody at that time i really wanted the same small age gap as I had the first time round too. At the moment I’m in the undecided phase, i definitely want another but not sure yet as to whether the time would be right.. so ive thought theres no harm just waiting a little longer
Author
Yes I think waiting is a good plan x
I wasn’t broody for my second, but I was for my third and I would have liked to have considered a fourth, but it’s not to be, after three sections my body just can’t manage it. Good luck with whatever you decide, but take your time xx
Author
Thanks hun x
Mine was the opposite… My eldest was a little accident (the best possible accident!). I wasn’t even interested in children before him but once he was born my life completely changed. Within a few months I was desperately broody, racked up thousands of posts on TTC forums and found out I was pregnant on my eldests first birthday. I am super broody for more little ones but I know we’re not at the best place financially etc right now so trying to hold off for a year or two. For what it’s worth I was an only child and I felt really lonely growing up. Even having loads of cousins and friends – in a way made it worse as they all had siblings and I was envious of their bond… knowing when I went home from a playdate they would continue playing together and I’d be on my own! Even as an adult I see the relationship others have with their grown up siblings and I feel like I’m missing out. I know it’s silly but I can’t help it. Maybe I have stronger feelings about it because my brother died when I was little, and my parents were not around much but I don’t know. All I know is I want a big family now and seeing my boys play together and the bond between them makes me happier than anything in the world! Good luck with your decisions x
Author
Sorry to hear about your brother and thanks for sharing, x
I feel exactly the same! it’s a tricky one isn’t it..x
Author
Very much so! x
I never really had a desire to be a mother. That is until hubby suggested having a baby and then all of a sudden I realised that I wanted it. With second baby I was more excited I think. I couldn’t wait to get pregnant and was so pleased when that stick finally told me we were going to have another baby. My boys are now 9 and 4 (almost 5) and I’m so pleased we have two children. Yes they fight constantly but sometimes, when they think no one is watching, they can be so kind and caring with one another. It’s really touching. x #WotW
Author
That is what I would love for her to have x
I had 3 terrible pregnancies but my desire for a 4th child was so strong. I like my big family. Good luck x
Author
Thank you x