An open letter

An Open Letter to a Kind Stranger

An open letter

An open letter to a kind stranger,

To the lady who was kind to me today, when my daughter lay screaming on the floor in a busy shop, thank you.  Thank you for your kindness, thank you for taking the time to reach out and make me feel like I wasn’t alone.

You see there are some days, days when I am so full of tears.  Days when I feel the slightest thing may cause them to fall down my face.

You don’t know me, but before, I was capable, I could cope.  Then I became a mother, things changed; my ability to cope and feel in control diminished.

I knew it was destined to be a bad day when my child looked me straight in the eye, and despite my protestations continued to throw her breakfast all over the floor.  This is not new, but today I nearly wept.

I applied my make up, a prop for my confidence, and we headed out to buy a friend a present.  I had pictured a walk round the shops and a drink in the coffee shop.  We only got as far as one shop before my daughter decided she wouldn’t walk with me and lay screaming on the floor. Becoming more and more hysterical.

Screaming like a wounded animal, refusing to move or be picked up.  People almost stepping over her; walking by, their seemingly perfect lives laughing at me.

As the shaking in my stomach increased, I decided to abandon our trip and just go.  Escape back to the safety of home.  I picked up my hysterical child, feeling as if everyone was looking, judging. Thinking that it must be my fault; that I am a bad mother.  Only a bad mother could cause such behaviour in a child.

Standing in the queue, the screaming ringing in my ears, you saw me.  You saw what’s in my heart and you told me in a look that I am not a bad mummy.  That it is not my fault.

You offered me such kind words and when you touched my arm I felt so supported.  You knew I do the best I can for my daughter, you knew that I hadn’t brought her up to behave that way.  You were kind and you didn’t judge.  You took the time out of your day to empathise and notice someone who was on the edge and offer help to them.  For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  The world needs more people like you.

Yours forever grateful,

Aby xx

 

Comments 91

  1. Oh darling. I’m already emotional today and this has sent me over the edge. Can’t bare the thought of you feeling sad. I can promise you from the bottom of my heart we have ALL been there. You are the best mummy that baby could wish for. People who walk on by whether they’re passing judgement or not if they have kids, they’ve been there honey. Honestly. It’s happened to me with all three of mine. In fact in between those pics I linked up to point + shoot this week most of them were of Rose lying face down on the floor and refusing to move screaming, scratching and biting when we tried picking her up. Luckily I had holly there to laugh it off with but inside I was dying. I know how you feel honey so don’t feel alone. Thank God for nice people in the world and I’m so glad that the lady was there to remind you of that. Love you loads xxxxx

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      Thanks so much huni. I really appreciate your lovely comment. Some days are tougher than others and my resilience is low, think it is the PND. Some days I am stronger. Here’s to the strong days and thank you for being so lovely, Lots of love xxx

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  2. Yes we have all been there, why do we feel like we are bad mums when it happens? It is completely normal childhood behaviour. They are learning to understand their world, the rules and in their little bright minds they don’t realise the stress it causes us. Shake it off and know you are a great mum!

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  3. Huge massive hugs and a piece of virtual cake for you Aby! When Seb was little I didn’t really know what had hit me. Tantrums, crying, shouting and often in front of my family. As I was a single parent, I had no one to back me up and I know they thought I wasn’t doing it ‘right’ or actually just the way they would have done it. But we got through it and he’s a wonderful boy so I must have done something right. Children all go through these natural phases and they come out of them as if my magic. No one gives us a manual and tells us how to be a parent and even if they did it would be useless as every child is different and responds in unique ways as we as adults do. You will look back one day and marvel at all the stuff you’ve learnt and how far you’ve come. In the meantime those kind words from friends and strangers are a life line because all parents can sympathise. Beautiful post, here’s to a new day. xxx

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  4. ((hugs)) Those moments are so rough, they seem never ending and like everyone is watching and judging.

    I try to give a mom a comforting smile or help if I can because sometimes it means more to the mom than anyone realises.

    You aren’t a bad mom though and she isn’t a bad child – it was just a bad moment and moments are fleeting!

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  5. We have all had these days, and my children have reduced me to tears with their wilful defiance. It is a phase, but not a good one. So pleased that a random stranger made you feel better. This is a lovely letter #sharewithme

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  6. Sorry that you had such a terrible morning but so glad that you met such a lovely lady. All children do this so I struggle to understand why people are so judgemental and unhelpful unless they have never been a parent. I can certainly empathise. I’ve abandoned a shopping trolley in a supermarket because I couldn’t manage another minute of my childrens’ behaviour. Hoping you are having a better day now x

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  7. Oh what a terrible morning you had. I think most of us have been there at some point. I am so glad there was someone there who supported you when you needed it most. It does get better x

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  8. Oh it’s hard when you are having a tough morning but so amazing when someone just takes the time to understand and make you feel you aren’t alone. That’s amazing. And I think as women and mothers especially we all should do more to help each other strangers or not. Lovely post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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  9. I know how hard that can be, but keep in mind: you’re not the only one, and you’re certainly not alone. It’s a hard thought to grasp, especially in the midst of a screaming child in your arms, but it’s true. Every mother, at some point another, has had trying days such as you (anyone who denies this is full of utter rubbish). And though you feel defeated and hopeless, it does get better. Trust me. I’ve gone through a few of these days myself.

    The kindness of that stranger is astounding. I only hope that all of us mothers encounter such a beautiful spirit that has the ability to lift just a fraction of our burden, even for mere moments during the day. I hope she’ll come across this someday, and know that her small gesture helped you tremendously.

    Thank you for being so forthcoming and writing such a poignant piece

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      Thanks so much for you lovely and thoughtful comment. She was a very kind lady, who put herself out to help, which is a very kind thing. Thanks again x

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  10. I am terrified of the day Aidan throws his first public tantrum. Even though it’s not out faults and (most) people aren’t judging for that split second you couldn’t feel smaller. So nice for somebody to approach you with some kind words – if only more people were supportive of one another like this xx

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  11. I Know this situation incredibly well. P2 refuses daily to get into her car seat and/or puschair usually on a car park full of other parents. She wails, kicks, screams and generally goes berserk all whilst her twin looks on if I’m lucky quietly. No one ever offers to help – just look on in disgust. All of these people are parents on the school run just like me and its awgul they look down their noses when a few years ago i can guarantee they experienced at least one day like mine. I wish a stranger would be as kind here. Similarly I will think of doing this when I see other parents going through it. Baby & p2 should hook up – they sound incredibly similar! xxxxx

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  12. We’ve definitely all been there Hon and yes that kind stranger is worth their weight in gold! It happened to me right inside the entrance to a busy sports centre once – I really was at my wits end! This too shall pass. Hugs Xx

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  13. I’ve been in similar situations and I completely empathize with you. I’m so glad someone had the courage to be supportive instead of judging you. It makes the world of difference sometimes to have someone empathize with you when you are having a rough time. The fact that you are even concerned about being a bad mother shows that you are indeed a good mother. #mmwbh

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  14. Such a lovely post Aby and I am sorry you had such a shitty morning. You are a wonderful mother and that lady must have been one herself to know that it is totally normal. LL is going through a real phase of this at the moment- she had a meltdown in baby ballet today- but second child in I know that it’s completely normal and I have stopped trying to care what people think as much- it is so hard though. Hugs lovely. x

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  15. I’m so glad this lady stepped up and showed you a bit of compassion. I despair that we aren’t more considerate of others and that people tut and judge rather than offer a helping hand or a kind word. We’ve all been in your position more times than we care to remember but it does pass. Sending hugs lovely lady xx

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      Thank you so much for this lovely comment. She was such a lovely kind lady, you are right more people should show kindness xx

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  16. Oh dear, massive hugs to you, Boo is just starting off with tanturms so I can feel some of your pain.
    I think that it is so difficult when you feel you are being judged, but it was so nice that you had a kind stranger there to help you when you needed it. More people should be like this, we should all be kinder to everyone!

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  17. Aw Aby, this post made me tearful on an already tearful day! Every mum deserves a medal, it really is hard work – when else would we be trying to reason with someone who’s screaming in your face for no apparent reason? Slightly selfish, but your post made me feel better about my bad day. Thank you x

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      I am sorry I made you tearful but I am glad you connected with it and realise we all got through it (or so it seems from the comments) x

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  18. That’s such a lovely post. We’ve all had those moments when we look as though we have the naughtiest children in the world but other mums know and have empathy. At that moment it feels as though your child has the loudest cry and worst manners but they are only confused about how they are feeling. They test us and we continue to love them. Xx

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      Thank you. You are totally right, just hard to reason with the unreasonable, some days it gets to me more than others xx

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  20. Oh no 🙁 I am so sad that you were sad. However as you can see from the already huge response to this post, you are not alone. Mine test me on a daily basis, which at home is fine…..ish……but when we’re in public it’s so hard. Embarrassing and totally awkward. Very tough. Hope you feel better tonight. Big hugs and love, Jess xxxxx

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      Thank you lovely. Some days are just so hard and although I know most people experience it, I find it hard to cope with. Thanks so much huni xxxx

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  21. We all have days like this, you are not alone. Today mine were amazing, last Wednesday I had to have help getting them home from the park as 2 out of 3 behaved like baby, and I literally would not have got home without help. I’m glad someone made you feel like you weren’t alone, the world is thankfully full of kind people. I know you know this is not you being a bad parent but our children have the capacity to bring us to our knees! Give me a room full of arguing adults any day!

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  22. Oh darling, I just want to reach across the internet and give you the biggest hug in the world. I really hate to think of you feeling like this. I know there is really nothing that I can say or do to help. But I am here for you. You are not alone. You have many friends holding your hand from afar. Please remember that you can always pick up the phone and call me. I love you dear Aby. I am so glad you are my friend. I hope you remember that and you remember those kind words of support from that stranger. Bless her! Hugs Lucy xxxx

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  23. Huge hug!! You’re not a bad mum, none of us are. It’s normal toddler behaviour although knowing that doesn’t make it easier in any way whatsoever. Glad there was someone there who just offered a warm look. Just know, you are not alone!! xx

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  24. Ah Aby, I remember this phase so well Jacks tantrums were terrible, a lady once stopped my when I was trying to pin his screaming kicking body into a pram, and said that child needs a good slap, thats what I would do if he was mine. I just looked her in the eye and said I give you an hour with him, I wanted to cry, his tantrums were terrible. But great news they do grow out of it, he is so chilled now, so please don’t despair its not you, todlers can be so hard work. You look like an amazing Mum and one day this will all be a distant memory x

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  25. Oh no what a day, toddlers do have a way of testing their parents, and so do older kids for that matter, it’s so hard some days to be strong and not let it all get to you. I’m so glad someone helped you out and made your day a little bit better. You are really not alone though, we all go through the tough times and we are all here for you! Ps my daughter threw herself in the floor in mothercare today and I picked her up and said “oh crap” thinking no one was there and then the cleaner winked at me! Haha. Lots of love xx

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      I find it always seems to clash with a bad PND day, she acts up and then I end up in tears. Thanks so much for your comment xx

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  26. Sending you huge hugs. We have all been through it, but I know that probably isn’t any comfort to you when you are in that situation x x x

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  27. Please don’t ever feel alone or like a bad mother because you’re neither. Just look at all these amazing, supportive comments! Also try to remember that every mother (and father for that matter) has to go through these challenging days with their toddlers. It’s the down side of being a patent. Next time you’re having a bad day remember this… you’re a good mother doing the best you can. Beautifully written post xx

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  28. This brought a little tear to my eye. I have definitely been there and it’s not a nice place to be. Sounds like you met a lovely stranger and I’m so glad someone was there to give you some support instead of judging.
    Sending you a big hug xxx

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  29. Aww hun 🙁 I know exactly what you mean, some days are so much harder than others. The tears are just sitting there ready. I sometimes wonder if they sense it. You are an amazing mum. I read somewhere that secure children have tantrums. My eldest had horrific tantrums and you learn to put them under your arm, feet away from you so they can’t kick you and carry them out, trying to avoid the states! My middle had a tantrum the whole way to school and back the other day. So from one mum with tantruming kids to another, hugs xx

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  32. Oh that’s just brought a little tear to my eye. Beautifully written Aby. We ALL have days like this, and I’m glad someone took the time out – when you needed it most – to tell you that. Our little ones are amazing and wonderful. But also little buggers at times! Sending a big virtual hug x PS – Love your new photo – you look fab! #Brilliantblogposts

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      Aw thank you for this lovely comment. I guess some days are just harder to cope with, but we definitely need to have more lovely people in the world xx

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  33. What a beautiful post Aby. I can completely sympathise with you. Some days when Elsa is really playing up I could just curl up into a ball and cry. We just had an episode in Sainsbury’s and I was getting flustered thinking that everyone was judging me. I’m trying to learn to ignore it. I know I haven’t raised her to be naughty, she is a toddler and she is learning. I really shouldn’t (and don’t, most the time) give a shit what the snooty people in the queue think of my parenting skills anymore. I am doing the best I can and so are you. I wish more people were like that lovely lady who helped you.

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  34. Oh hun I’m so sorry you were feeling so low but it’s always nice to know you’re not alone. I would never even dream of judging a mother coping with a screaming child, I’ve been there and know how alone you feel.

    Know Aby, you are not alone. We all know that you care for your daughter and did not bring her up that way. That lovely stranger did what we all would do if we saw you. Thank you to her and I’m sending hugs for you. xx

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      Thank you so much for your lovely comment, I am not sure everyone is as kind as you! The lady was really lovely though, I just wish more people were. Thanks again xx

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  35. what a lovely letter, and it is amazing how small acts of kindness make such a difference to our everyday lives. I remember my son’s first public tantrum, a woman looked at me and asked what was wrong with him, I was over it already and grumpily snapped it’s because he decided to leave his teddy at home.

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  36. Such a lovely post Aby, but I am sorry you had a crappy day. The same thing happened to me yesterday (except for the nice lady part) and it was horrible; I was so tired so I was on the verge of tears and Ava had the biggest meltdown she had ever had when we were in a shop; it was horrible and because she was screaming her head off and there were actual tears I thought everyone would think I was a bad mum. I wish I didn’t care what people think because I know I’m not, but we can’t help it sometimes can we?

    I’m so glad there was a nice lady there to show you support. Big hugs xx #MMWBH

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  37. Oh lovely. I think many of us know this situation. Just glad someone kind was there. Sending lots of love and hugs xxx

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  38. What a beautiful person Aby. No one knows what is going on inside another persons head and people can be quick to judge. Good on they person for lifting you up when you really needed it.

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  39. Oh darling, we’ve all been there and it’s rubbish, so wonderful how the kindness of strangers can make the world of difference xx

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  41. My children are older now, but I remember these days. Yearning for a nice day out with the child & being embarrassed and sorely disappointed. From the comments above there are many of us that feel your pain. If this happens again, don’t feel so alone, envision us all standing behind you, encouraging you! You are the best mother for your child. You got this!

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  42. Ah, lovely letter and you’re right, we need more kindness in the world and much less judgement!

    It’s amazing all the difference a kind look, a warm smile or a few encouraging words can make, especially to us frazzled, knackered mums when we’re having a bad parenting day.

    Whenever I’m out and about and see a mum at her wits end, I always try and offer one of these because it really can make all the difference.

    I’ll never forget the time I almost burst into tears on a particularly awful day when a woman gave me the most scornful look because I gave Elsie a packet of crisps to eat ( the only thing I could find to ease her hunger!). On a stronger, easier day I’d have met her look with confidence and defiance, but on this day when I’d been up all night and didn’t know how I’d make it to bedtime, it was shattering.

    We’ve all been there – but sadly, people are too quick to forget and too quick to judge.

    x

    #brilliantblogposts

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      Thank you lovely. People can make such a difference, whether they are acting out of negativity or kindness. This lady’s kindness was very much appreciated by me x

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  43. Big hugs, and I hope your day got better. We’ve all been there, and people do make you feel terrible by looking away and making you feel like the worst mum in the world. What a sweet woman to let you know she knows what it’s like. Sometimes the kindness of strangers can be the most touching! xx

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  44. Oh honey I’ve only just seen this post and it brought a tear to my eye. I wrote about random acts of kindness recently and sometimes people can be so wonderful just when you need it the most. Love you lots xxx

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  45. Aaah Abs darling — bless you — it’s just awful when we feel like this. You’re not alone, believe me. And I have had similar incidents — a lady patted my arm once and told me I was doing a wonderful job! It’s only when someone says it, that you realise it’s true. Much love to you. You’re an amazing mama — don’t ever forget it xx

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

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  46. We all feel like that at times, I have coping days and non coping days, its the little things like this that help us through xx

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